SOUTHLAKE, TX-- Before Lila Bechmann was a year old -- not long after she began speaking -- she changed.

She stopped talking. She rarely looked at her mother's and father's faces. She seemed to pull into herself.

"Even before she was diagnosed, I knew something was wrong," said her mother, Marlowe Bechmann.

She combed the Internet, looking for what the symptoms might mean. And she suspected what the doctor diagnosed when Lila was 15 months old: autism, a neurological disorder that impairs communication and social interaction.

Marlowe Bechmann resisted the urge to say, "Why me?" And today -- although her 7-year-old with the huge brown eyes and long eyelashes will not say "Happy Mother's Day!" in the conventional way -- Bechmann is grateful for the love she is certain her daughter returns.

She knows that Lila -- a kindergartner who has no notion of how to mask anger or joy -- will fling her arms around her mother's neck and give her a smooch on the cheek. She will do that more than once.

Bechmann, half of the musical duo Swingset Mamas, uses her music and American Sign Language to break through what sometimes appears to be her daughter's inattention.

"I have an analogy of a Tiffany vase that breaks," she said. "But you make a beautiful mosaic of the vase, even though it takes a while to come to that point.

"For Lila, words are hard to process. But with things like music and hand motions, we get there," she said.

Bechmann, a classically trained pianist and guitarist who formerly worked in fashion sales and promotion, said her musical partner, Lizzie Swan, has helped her over many hurdles. Bechmann and Swan, a creative arts therapist, became friends many years ago at a campfire singalong at a beach in Montauk, N.Y.

In 1999, when both women became mothers, they collaborated on songs to soothe their newborns, making long-distance calls to confer.

There was the bluesy When Daddy Comes Home, the calypso tune Colors of the Rainbow. and the harmonica-edged My Thumb. And then there was one to which any parent can relate: Time to Clean Up. The women recorded two compact discs, Music for the Whole Family and Dance Around the House.

Today, each woman has two children, and they meet occasionally to rehearse and record. They also sometimes travel together to present concerts for special-needs and typical children. Their song topics range from bathing puppies to rubbing on sunscreen.

Marlowe Bechmann's husband, Chuck Bechmann, said his wife's melodies about mothering amaze him.

"I knew she was classically trained, but I'd lived with her a lot of years and didn't know that was all inside," he said. "It took the circumstances to bring it out."

He said Lila "approximates words" and most people do not understand her.

"But over seven years, we know a lot of what she tries to say -- things like when she wants water, popcorn, a bath," he said. "Sometimes it's frustrating for her, but with sign language, she gets the point across. She does everything she can to relate to the world. She is very loving, and when we understand her, she's so happy.

"Those little victories are a different sort of euphoria than typical families would have."

One of the chief joys is when Marlowe Bechmann rounds up her little girls and takes them to the music room. Delia, 4, pounds on a miniature drum set or piano, her mother strums a guitar or plays piano or tambourine, and Lila bounces on a trampoline or plays harmonica or cowbells. Lila does not sing the melodies, but she occasionally chimes in with sounds.

"Music has helped me through so many stages -- even before Lila was diagnosed, when I was six weeks pregnant with Delia," Marlowe Bechmann said. "Had I known about the diagnosis, I might never had the courage to get pregnant again. But it's been so wonderful to have a typical child and one with special needs."

Delia sometimes coaches Lila on pronunciations, and "Delia is proud of her sister," Chuck Bechmann said.

At the school Lila attends -- Durham Elementary in Southlake -- Marlowe Bechmann coordinates Dragon Pals, an after-school interaction program for typical and special-needs children. It fosters communication through sign language and singalongs.

Melissa Brinker, a school counselor who helps Bechmann, said the program is very popular.

"Marlowe is very loving and motherly to all of the children, looking out for their interests as well as those of her own children," she said.

Bechmann's musical partner, Lizzie Swan, said that her friend is one of the most positive people she knows and that Lila is just as smiley and happy and positive.

"It was like watching the loss of a child, to see Lila going from totally typical to slowly reverting, but Marlowe was able to channel her sadness into music and use it as a therapeutic tool for herself," Swan said. "I've always been in awe of how she was able to tackle that, and then use the power of music in reaching children whether they are autistic or not.

"Not all autistic children have the speech delays that Lila does," she said. "Some can mimic anything you say. But for Lila, when you sing 'Twinkle, twinkle, little . . .' and she is able to fill in 'star,' it's a huge boost to her self-esteem."

Before the diagnosis, Lila's mother wrote a song for her called Oh My Child. And although Lila's circumstances changed, the emotion behind the song has not, Marlowe Bechmann said. She sings the chorus:

Oh my child, everybody is different

In the way they see their reality

But I will always love you

Whoever you want to be.

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